broken

of late, i’ve been increasingly convinced that I’ve finally transited to becoming an adult. i’ve been feeling old for the entire year, surely that counts for something! i mean when you feel old, you can’t be that young even if you aren’t exactly old right? yet on two occasions today, i think i said some things that I shouldn’t have which is quite disappointing because i thought I’ve finally got to the point where i knew what to say and what not to but the truth is adults have so many unspoken rules about so many things (and even if you did wrong, most people wouldn’t tell you because there is an unwritten rule about embarrassing people in public) that I cannot imagine myself ever being appropriate. (breathe) the fact that i constantly ick and criticise people for inappropriate behaviour just keeps flashing in big red lights around my head, going one round and back with a vengeance. on two occasions yesterday, i was reminded of how truly truly broken the wings of the church are.

i thought the best thing about being an adult was the disappearance of irrational fears children have. yet in place of these, we have pride, greed, envy, loneliness and confusing social rules.